Quokkas Cricket Club

It was a small party of fifty-year-old blokes who had just about squeezed their gout into their loafers that ventured into the Wroclaw night life. In homage to the missing potato, and much to Professor’s chagrin, we convened at The Irish Bar to sup the most expensive pints in town. It was here that Skip informed us that there was good news and bad news regarding the cricket. My thoughts immediately turned to the Serbia tour, knee-high grass, 45 minutes of sleep and coach journey across borders. However, any concerns were soon calmed by a plethora of cheap drinks at the only ‘rock’ bar in town. To Professor’s frustration, a round cost less than a single Guinness at the Irish bar, although by closing time nobody cared how much the drinks cost. Thursday or not, we had eased ourselves into the tour.

Quokkas CC 201 (Evil Dave 45 no, Umair 36, Saad 27, Faggie 25) beat Not The MCC CC 161-9 (Rashid 4-26, Saad 1-4, Ali 1-15)

What you need of a match reporter is attendance at the game. What you have is me, a small WhatsApp conversation and a scoresheet.

I can see that the game was played at Dogmersfield. That’s a real place apparently.

Parking was at a premium. Umair sorted that out. Niall was unavailable as he was in Miami for the England world cup game. Seagull was also missing as he wanted to see if Louise Werner was still fit. Professor joined him. Dave brought the scorebook. Haider brought a ball. Haider Jr dislocated his shoulder, so had to pull out. Faggie stood in. The pre-match warm up appeared to be a game of croquet.

Quokkas 262-7 (Rashid 78, Faggie 69, Driver 24, Ali 18no Skip 16no) beat Salix CC (Yak 4-19, Evil Dave 3-19, Ali 2-27)

Last, but not least Sunday match report of the season. Once again, I was not in attendance, so don’t expect any great insight, but looking at the scoresheet, this appears to be an absolute drubbing for Salix. I wonder if they will deem the Quokkas to be ‘unsportsmanlike’ and consider scrubbing us from next year’s calendar?

Quokkas 214-2 (Haider 94, Rashid 56 no, Saad 47) beat Whalers & Spelthouse combined XI 144-4 (Umair 3-17, Haider Jr 2-17)

It’s October. I didn’t attend this match and there is pretty much no pre-match chat on the Whatsapp group. This is going to be a classic match report. Prior to the game there was great concern about a potential clash with England playing in the World Cup final. We need not have worried. Firstly, Tuchel fucked it up, which allowed the bloody Argies to go through and create the worst final since 1994. Secondly, the game in question was the Whalers and that was postponed due to lack of players.

Quokkas CC 135-10 (Saad 39, Haider 28, Haider Jr 15) beat Wantage & Grove CC115 all out (Jatin 4-10, Haider Jr 2-12, Seagull 1-10)

I love the game up at Wantage. The sun always seems to shine, the Oxfordshire countryside provides a lovely backdrop to my drive north and invariably it’s a great game of cricket. We were fortunate to have Steve the Pirate in attendance this year, and he pointed out that Tweaky’s fabled pink cowboy hat had been framed and mounted on the clubhouse wall for posterity. It made me consider what the Quokkas would have on the clubhouse wall should we have a clubhouse. The last surviving Quokkas sweatband, Skip’s 1970s bucket hat, Mantis’ leather tie, any one of many dreadful Birmingham City away shirts, a deflated skippy with Evil Dave’s knife through its heart?