Quokkas Cricket Club

At this point in the season my back has totally given up on me. Despite the obvious drawbacks I’m considering my choice of opioid. While I make that choice, alcohol is my preferred painkiller. I am not sure Mrs Seagull is being quite as sympathetic as I’d like. “If you are not swanning off to cricket all day you can do some of those DIY jobs I have lined up for you instead.” Where’s the flipping Oxy?

Quokkas CCC 173 for 7 (Irfan 100 n/o) beat Wantage & Grove 169-6 (Ali 2 for 9, Radio 1 for 25, Josh 1 for 37)

I’ve not got a long-winded intro to this match report. My free time seems to have totally consumed by managing a hoard of unruly under 9 cricketers. I will never mention the amount of teacher’s school holidays again. They should get more time off. You’ll just have to make do with the basics, which are as follows:

Quokkas 371-7 (Rashid 103, Irfan 85, Umair 49, Marcus 42, Ali 30no) beat Coldharbour 165 all out (Irfan 2-16, Prof 2-30ish Seagull 2-48)

The sun shone on the highest cricket ground in the southeast of England. Yep. You have read that score correctly. We scored three hundred and seventy-one runs from 210 balls. My first thought is, should we have declared? Mr second, will we be invited back next year? I bloody hope so as the teas here seem to get better every year (Ed: Looking at the photo of you with sandwiches piled six high, looks like you made sure I didn’t miss out).

Belhus CC 237 for 5 (Jez 2-20, Seagull 1-8) beat Quokkas CC 209 all out (Irfan 54, Jez 31, Josh 24, river 22)

Shit. I’m writing this match report in October and it has just dawned on me that I may have forgotten to pay the Dartford Crossing toll for the journey to Belhus. I’ve not heard anything, but no doubt the bailiffs are just waiting for my debt to reach six figures before getting in touch. If I can’t remember to do that, what chance do I have remembering who did what to who against Belhus CC five months ago? Let me try and find a scorecard and then I’ll make some stuff up.

Quokkas 266-4 (Faggie 100no, Irfan 68, Rashid 38, Marcus 26) beat Croxley Guild 232-9 (Faggie 3-16, Irfan 3-20)

Perhaps the most important prerequisite of writing a quality Quokkas match report is witnessing the encounter. Watching others play the game is perhaps my strong point, but this year eve doing that is proving challenging. This week my vantage point was supping gin and tonics on a sunbed at Profs villa in Majorca. When Paolo is batting, that is perhaps the best seat in the house, but when trying to offer you some insight into the game it is unhelpful. All I can offer you is that there was no shortage of runs but there was a lack of sausage sizzle. Depending on whether you were scoring an unbeaten century as Faggie was, or hankering for hot dog like Radio will determine how much you enjoyed this game.