Quokkas Cricket Club

Croxley Green CC 235-4 (Rachid 2-19, Evil 1-37, Jatin 1-35) beat Quokkas CC 185 all out (Faggie 60, Rashid 32, Slick 26, Seagull 25)

Damn. I played in this game. So, there are no excuses for a piss poor match report on my part. Except that it’s October now and I remember more about the live football on the TV we watched in the bar afterwards than I do about the actual game. One thing I haven’t forgot is how dangerous it is to play here when you have batsman hitting the ball very hard and having to field in what is basically a ploughed field. I am grateful for retain all my teeth. There was a Tim Flowers moment for Evil Dave that would have been a lot less funny is he was a few inches taller. We stopped pretty much nothing and about 20 of their runs came from overthrows due to obscure bounces. That was the difference between the two sides.

Quokkas CC 123 all out (Faggie 45, Rashid 18, Evil Dave 14 no) beat Dolphins 98 all out (Evi Dave 3-22, Haider Jr 2-33, Jatin 2-20)

First game of the season and I’ve yet to turn the central heating off. Not sure the Dolphins like us very much. It’s bloody April for god’s sake. Sod that for a game of soldiers. I wasn’t the only one still heavily invested in the football season, but thankfully we had eight Birmingham Quokkas.

Quokkas CC 191-5 (Rashid 60, Haider 42, Slick 29no, Saad 26) beat Belhaus CC 160-8 (Seagull 3-26, Rashid 3-29, Radio 1-29)

Prior to the game the discussion was whether the Bulgarian Eurovision Song Contest entrant, Dara, was the singer we saw in the nightclub full of gangsters in Sofia. Seagull, too drunk to notice that the lives of all Quokkas in the club were in serious jeopardy said no, that was Emilia. Funny how these vital pieces of information are retained.

Reigate CC 133–8 (Faggie 3-15, Ali 2-19, Irfan 2-28) beat Quokkas CC 125 all out (Faggie 14, Seagull 18 not out)

I realise now that I have been wasting my life. Rather than spend my weekends standing in a field, basically watching other people play cricket, I should have been emulating Lord Gravy by hunting out the best roast dinner money can buy. He suggests The George in the Strand is the place to go, but unless they serve Yorkshire’s as the starter, I have my doubts it reaches the required Seagull standard. Due to having the back of an 80-year-old man, I have spent most the of Quokkas season perfecting my own Sunday roast rather than playing. I’m confident I’d win Master Chef, assuming they have a roast dinner category – I wouldn’t know, as I draw the line at watching civilians cook food as a form of entertainment.

Quokkas CC 206-2 (Irfan 114 no, Faggie 72 no) beat Salix CC 204-6 (Jez 2-14, Tom 2-20, Irfan 1-23)

This is another game I missed I’m afraid. The fact we won is evidence of that. Having rid himself the skipper curse, Faggie seems to have got the hang of it now. I am guessing he was the skipper for this one, as bowlers were taken off and then brought back on later. Typical Aussie, doing things to actually win games.