Quokkas Cricket Club

Belhus CC 237 for 5 (Jez 2-20, Seagull 1-8) beat Quokkas CC 209 all out (Irfan 54, Jez 31, Josh 24, river 22)

Shit. I’m writing this match report in October and it has just dawned on me that I may have forgotten to pay the Dartford Crossing toll for the journey to Belhus. I’ve not heard anything, but no doubt the bailiffs are just waiting for my debt to reach six figures before getting in touch. If I can’t remember to do that, what chance do I have remembering who did what to who against Belhus CC five months ago? Let me try and find a scorecard and then I’ll make some stuff up.

Quokkas 266-4 (Faggie 100no, Irfan 68, Rashid 38, Marcus 26) beat Croxley Guild 232-9 (Faggie 3-16, Irfan 3-20)

Perhaps the most important prerequisite of writing a quality Quokkas match report is witnessing the encounter. Watching others play the game is perhaps my strong point, but this year eve doing that is proving challenging. This week my vantage point was supping gin and tonics on a sunbed at Profs villa in Majorca. When Paolo is batting, that is perhaps the best seat in the house, but when trying to offer you some insight into the game it is unhelpful. All I can offer you is that there was no shortage of runs but there was a lack of sausage sizzle. Depending on whether you were scoring an unbeaten century as Faggie was, or hankering for hot dog like Radio will determine how much you enjoyed this game.

Harpenden Dolphins CC 94–0 beat Quokkas 93 all out (Ali 37, Faggie 23)

This is usually the time where describe all the exciting activities I have done over the winter to pad out the first match report of the season. Unfortunately, I’d have to be Jonny Kim to have enough things to write about to counterbalance what will be a very brief description of the events of Sunday. Let me cut to the chase. The Quokkas got thumped and I failed to even make it to the ground. So, I will keep things brief, very much in line with the time it took to complete this game

Barnt Green CC 133-5 (Faggie 3-14, Marcus 1-26) beat Quokkas CC 132 all out (Faggie 40, Marcus 19, Rashid 15, Niall 14 no)

It’s been a while since I missed a Quokka tour. Any opportunity to extend time away from Mrs Seagull is usually gratefully accepted, but sadly I had to sit this one out on the touchline with the half time oranges and the fast wheezy boys with a note from matron while the young bloods linked arms for the glorious final scrum down. That said, I am not sure if this should be classified as a tour game or a home game. Either way, it was great for the Brummie Quokkas to have a game that was in their time zone for one. For the rest, train cancellations caused havoc, especially for to the London massif, but even with a 2pm start it would be rude not to arrive at least half an hour late. The good news is Nial has regripped his bat (Ed: Did the last one wear out? Seriously?) The Quokkas were put into bat. Prior to the game Radio John had said the opponents would be a mix of juniors and 6 th team players deemed too incompetent to play on their proper pitch. Sounds about our level. However, looking at our batting scorecard, it may have been the Warwickshire second XI we were facing. I’m sure someone that played will put me straight. Irfan was out for five. Bad start. Haidur and Rashid made double figures, just, with a couple of lovely sixes from the latter, but both were out, caught. Faggie got fed up of Umair dots, so ran him out. Marcus looked good before being caught. Niall’s new grip must surely have had someone else holding it as the scorecard says he scored 14 runs, including two fours. Well played sir. A hundred obviously beckoned, but sadly he ran out of partners. Two runs from the last four batsman including another run out (Evil Dave) was a rather disappointing finish.

Croxley Guild CC 164-9 (Dave 4-35, Irfan 3-6) beat The Birmingham Quokkas CC 154 all out (Hurreira 50, Rashid 25, Faggie 23)

The great Oasis ticket frenzy passed me by. I saw them at the Hull Adelphi back in ‘94. It cost me £4. £12, actually, as Prof and Skip were dragged along. Seeing Liam lauding above the rest of the world from a 12-inch-high stage about three feet away from me was a brilliant experience. He walked off stage half-way through an eight-minute version of `I am the Walrus’, which is exactly the too-cool-for-school front man presence I’d been waiting for since the Roses went on their hiatus. Once the rest of the world caught up, as they did with Blur and The Verve, I gave them a swerve.