Quokkas Cricket Club

Reigate CC 133–8 (Faggie 3-15, Ali 2-19, Irfan 2-28) beat Quokkas CC 125 all out (Faggie 14, Seagull 18 not out)

I realise now that I have been wasting my life. Rather than spend my weekends standing in a field, basically watching other people play cricket, I should have been emulating Lord Gravy by hunting out the best roast dinner money can buy. He suggests The George in the Strand is the place to go, but unless they serve Yorkshire’s as the starter, I have my doubts it reaches the required Seagull standard. Due to having the back of an 80-year-old man, I have spent most the of Quokkas season perfecting my own Sunday roast rather than playing. I’m confident I’d win Master Chef, assuming they have a roast dinner category – I wouldn’t know, as I draw the line at watching civilians cook food as a form of entertainment.

Quokkas CC 206-2 (Irfan 114 no, Faggie 72 no) beat Salix CC 204-6 (Jez 2-14, Tom 2-20, Irfan 1-23)

This is another game I missed I’m afraid. The fact we won is evidence of that. Having rid himself the skipper curse, Faggie seems to have got the hang of it now. I am guessing he was the skipper for this one, as bowlers were taken off and then brought back on later. Typical Aussie, doing things to actually win games.

At this point in the season my back has totally given up on me. Despite the obvious drawbacks I’m considering my choice of opioid. While I make that choice, alcohol is my preferred painkiller. I am not sure Mrs Seagull is being quite as sympathetic as I’d like. “If you are not swanning off to cricket all day you can do some of those DIY jobs I have lined up for you instead.” Where’s the flipping Oxy?

Quokkas CCC 173 for 7 (Irfan 100 n/o) beat Wantage & Grove 169-6 (Ali 2 for 9, Radio 1 for 25, Josh 1 for 37)

I’ve not got a long-winded intro to this match report. My free time seems to have totally consumed by managing a hoard of unruly under 9 cricketers. I will never mention the amount of teacher’s school holidays again. They should get more time off. You’ll just have to make do with the basics, which are as follows:

Quokkas 371-7 (Rashid 103, Irfan 85, Umair 49, Marcus 42, Ali 30no) beat Coldharbour 165 all out (Irfan 2-16, Prof 2-30ish Seagull 2-48)

The sun shone on the highest cricket ground in the southeast of England. Yep. You have read that score correctly. We scored three hundred and seventy-one runs from 210 balls. My first thought is, should we have declared? Mr second, will we be invited back next year? I bloody hope so as the teas here seem to get better every year (Ed: Looking at the photo of you with sandwiches piled six high, looks like you made sure I didn’t miss out).